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The sub-continent – where most of us Sikhs trace our origins – and the Western world, have differing views on finding this very love. In the West, the popular mode is the process of courtship, or dating. This is when couples form intimate relationships with each other that may or may not blossom into a marriage. This process is the opposite of the system traditionally followed on the subcontinent – through arranged marriages.

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One caller named Jasminder asserts that when Param came down, it became more like a comedy show and less like a dating show given how the women and audience reacted. Something about this discussion hit home for me. Back in , I discussed some of my challenges when it came to dating and insecurity in my post about dharis:. These are the messages we get from our peers and from the media every day. So naturally I assumed it was highly unlikely that any of my female classmates would ever be interested in dating someone like me.

The combination of a dirty face plus a patka was enough to cause a whole lot of anxiety and insecurity for this angsty teenage Singh. The discussion on the BBC program resonated with many thoughts and questions that often swirl around in my head when it comes to the topic of dating for me, and perhaps other turban-wearing Sikh males:. When insecurities creep up in my current romantic life, how much is it a product of the insecurity I felt as a young patka-wearing child who was bullied in school?

I suspect it operates in much more subtle ways too. Is it a growing trend for women from Sikh backgrounds to not want to date men who keep their kesh? I have certainly observed Sikh women who see turban-wearing Singhs as more like brothers and less like someone to date, but is this really becoming the norm? Desire is a complicated thing, something that is deeply shaped by the society we live in.

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There are a number of religious prohibitions in Sikhism. Not all Sikh-identified people subscribe to these prohibitions. The Sahajdhari Sikhs reject most of the prohibitions, including trimming of hair Kesh.

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